What's Missing?

It is funny the things I miss. It has been nearly a year now and I dearly miss my cutting boards.

I have cutting boards with me now: two white, plastic, Ikea cutting boards, the larger one of which is dishwasher-warped into a sad hump in the middle. They work, they mostly get the job done (I try not to think about the plastic factor too hard), and I as tell myself, they are temporary.

We moved in with my mother-in-law last year after nearly dying in our apartment from Carbon Monoxide poisoning (another story for another day). Many of our possessions, especially my kitchen items, went into storage.

Living life temporarily is a funny thing. After all, this “temporary” is still real life, this moment is it, and while I do miss the actual cutting boards (beautiful bamboo, a smooth finish for chopping), I think what I miss more is the solidness that comes from having everything in front of me and not longing for things.

When I had my cutting boards, I knew exactly what I had. Now, I chop on my too-small plastic board and long wistfully for the boards I remember…but were they really all that?

Is life really better because I had better cutting boards? I think I settle into the longing because it is familiar…when “blank” happens, life will be better. When I am thinner, when I have more money, when I have less debt, when I have more time, et cetera, et cetera. I feel tired from this longing. Yes, I have those cutting boards in storage for the future (and perhaps a smaller dress and debt size, perhaps more money and time), but that doesn’t change this moment, this meal, this day.

Perhaps is it best to just be present. Present to the rough white plastic, the slight rocking of the board against the counter, present to the safe home that I have, the food I am privileged to be chopping, and present to this very moment. All the while grateful that I had the foresight to bring my good knife.



photo credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=901